Sober Saudi

It’s 10 am and my Transport Phenomena (no I have no idea what that even means) professor just broke the record for consecutive slides with at least 6 abstract, mind-blowing equations (43 slides).  Either that or he’s switched over to that Word font that’s nothing but symbols and numbers… regardless, my mind is drifting like I’m lost in a desert; a 19˚C, A/C blasted desert of course.

In the West, there is this Hollywood influenced belief that the desert heat can seriously drive a man insane.  In the East it’s not just another movie scene (although I sometimes wonder if the segregation and lack of “goods” has something to do with it) and I have two real-life stories to support this theory; the first of which includes me wandering home after a long Wednesday night (the Friday night of the rest of the world) and proceeding to spend ten minutes trying to open my neighbor’s front door with MY house key…

The second story is the direct result of a male-dominated environment, plenty of fake beer, AND the heat.  One of the most common questions I get about life in Saudi is about the social life, specifically the parties.  Considering that my last recollection of a completely sober party was my 8^th birthday, dressed as Hulk Hogan and eating WWF cereal… I looked forward to the first KAUST party with mixed emotions.

To be perfectly fair, it was awesome.  The Filipino band, the near-beer flip cup, the crowd surfing, and the salsa lessons were nothing short of satisfying.  I was starting to become a believer in the near-beer revolution.

And then it happened; a product of Taiwan courtesy of Mexico… the ALUBA.While it’s nothing to be proud of, I honestly thought the “A-word” was the first such invention to come from within KAUST until reading this excerpt from a Taipei Times news article:

“In aluba, a boy is lifted off the ground by a group of his peers. His legs are forcibly parted, and the crowd shouts “aluba” as they ram the struggling victim crotch-first into any nearby upright object, such as a lamp post, an open door or a coconut tree.” – http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/taiwan/archives/2007/09/09/2003377932

Have things really gotten that desperate?  Yes.  And it’s spreading faster than the Dengue fever amongst the Chinese students!

If you haven’t been following the news in the Middle East recently, a number of conservatives have been voicing their concerns about the gender mixing at KAUST.  It’s rumored (rumors single-handedly drive the middle east btw) that the noise from the conservatives was made audible after a video from KAUST leaked on YouTube showing this mixing.  A number of solutions have been considered to calm the waters, but I’m convinced only one way to help them empathize…

Coming soon to a YouTube near you:

“Aluba at KAUST”

Every major player in this world has someone they can turn to whenever they want to feel better about themselves; a younger, acne-prone step-brother of sorts…

Switzerland has the EU, China has the World, the United States has Mexico (just kidding amigos!), and Saudi Arabia has the Kingdom of Bahrain.  Being California born-and-bred living in Saudi Arabia, it was only a matter of time before I made the trip next door.  And what better time than during Eid, the week of celebrations following the end of Ramadan?

For those of you who’ve never heard of this island off the eastern coast of Saudi Arabia, don’t be discouraged.  There are only two things you need to know about this country smaller than the airport I flew into:

1. There are three liquor retail stores in the entire country (supposedly)

2. The cab drivers know this fact

After spending nearly two months inside Saudi Arabia, you find yourself living in waves of forgetting and longing for the things you left behind in your previous life; it really depends on how much you decide to immerse yourself.   Regardless of where I may have been on the wave when we arrived in Bahrain, I was not ready for what was to ensue.

Lines a mile long at the liquor store, nightclubs with names like Tabu, Ground Zero, and Wrangler (which was more like a high school dance in Atlanta fused with an Asian brothel), and cab drivers who used whatever calendar necessary to demand “weekend rates.”

Not to give the impression that this trip was all about “Making it Bah-rain” (only 80% true), we did take part in Eid festivities for expats and non-Muslims at the national mosque and visited a few mud “forts” to satisfy the cultural requirements.

It’s interesting to look at Bahrain in relation to the big ‘n rich neighbor Saudi.  There’s a certain fascination that the Saudi youth and Expats have with this playground that naturally draws you to it.  When talking about Bahrain their eyes light up like a kid at Disneyland; describing the water parks, night clubs, and most often “the chance to see girls.”  The Indian cab driver on the way from Saudi confessed with pride and a puff of a cigarette that he’s, “only a Muslim when he’s in Saudi Arabia;” and upon returning to the Kingdom, every question and response I received inquiring about my trip was met with a wink…

In all fairness, I was more impressed by the hospitality and high spirits of the locals (except the cab drivers, don’t get me started) that I met who were able to live a normal life in the middle of this abused “fantasy land.”  For the record, finding a local in Bahrain is like playing Where’s Waldo with real people.

Trying as hard as I could to appreciate the freedoms of Bahrain as a resident of Saudi Arabia, I was ready to “come home” after just three days of vacation.  I’d had enough freedom in three days to last me three weeks; when I just so happen to be heading to Egypt…

That’s right, I just called Saudi home.

Tonight I attended my first Royal Ball, on National Saudi Day, hosted by the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques (and now KAUST); King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud.  The official event, the KAUST Inauguration Ceremony. I have never felt better (or cooler for that matter) being so insignificant in my entire life, if you can grasp that.

There’s something special about being in the presence of a King, a REAL King.  I get the idea that there are many such “Kings” in our world today, but only few actually have the power to inspire a nation.  King Abdullah is one of those few.

Besides the fact that his anticipated arrival got more construction finished on campus in the last two days than the past two months, even I got the chills when he entered the building (first time that’s happened since the Michael Jackson memorial).  And when he made the closing remarks, it just felt right to remove the English Translation headphones for a few minutes to hear the Arabic as spoken by a King.  A memory I’ll surely never forget.

As “ambassadors” for KAUST before the official ceremony began, about sixty students were asked to meet and greet with distinguished guests as they arrived.  With a red carpet guest list to rival any major awards show, it was the most exciting “community service” any of us had ever done.  Making small talk with a General of the Saudi Royal Guard, the President of MIT, and the CEO of Toyota (to name a few of the types of people in attendance) is not something you get to do every day, or in a lifetime.  You also don’t get to see the security precautions taken when VERY Important People are coming to town every day.

Before this event, many students warned me that “you will know when a member of the Royal Family is coming to town.”  I’ve never been in the presence of the President of the United States, but would guess that not even He has a security blanket this tight when he travels (or so we think).

Stretches of highway closed, four different armed forces present and armed, multiple ID cards issued, helicopters in the skies, the navy in the sea, etc.  Tonight long after the crowds had left, I heard what resembled either a homemade fireworks show or a small war from my home; just for excitement’s sake I’m sticking with the latter.  Regardless, we were safe.

KAUST’s motto has always been “Through Inspiration. Discovery.”  Fortunately for this Inaugural class, “Inspiration” is coming in the form of extravagant events, and until KAUST becomes yet another “Self-Inspiring” university, we can only imagine what grand act awaits us next.  I’ve already put in a request for either stealing the World Cup from South Africa or bringing Michael Jackson back from the dead, whichever costs less.

Pictures from event + Bahrain report coming very soon.

Until then… check it for yourself: http://inauguration.kaust.edu.sa/inauguration/webcast.aspx

Did I mention there’s a symposium tomorrow on sustainability featuring National Science Foundation members, Nobel Laureates, and Hillary Clinton’s aide?

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard the President of our school say “pioneers,” “adventurous,” or “The KAUST Family” in his speeches I’d probably have enough money to endow the next KAUST Project myself… “KAUST 2: Beirut.”  It rings like a new season of The Real World, I like it already.

I bring this up because as the first class of a University, there is a heavier burden of responsibility that lies on the students shoulders than there is with following classes (obviously).  Traditions, formation of student government, and academic standards are just a few key responsibilities that come to mind.  Sure, here at KAUST we’ve been forced to take the roles of: construction supervisor, project engineer, and safety auditor to ensure the ceiling doesn’t fall, twice; but we greet the tasks with bright smiles and full stomachs.

As student unions form, students settle, and classes come into maturity, there remains one balancing act left for KAUST to master; respecting the Saudi culture while simultaneously keeping the open mind that will attract scholars from around the world for years to come.  One Indian friend put it bluntly, calling it a “lose-lose” situation;  suggesting that if KAUST gets too liberal the nation won’t support it, but if it is too conservative it will become just another “Saudified” university.  I’m still ambivalent at this point, “near-beer” in hand.

I’d love to mandate a monthly Umrah to keep everyone happy; allowing the Muslims go to Mecca and the Mexicans to host public dance parties (true story) but don’t think we can afford to have KAUST looking like a federal prison to the visiting eye.  I say this because Muslim men are encouraged to cut their hair when performing the Small Pilgrimage, so we now have about 50 buzzed headed students (out of 350 in total) patrolling campus.  The women are also asked to cut their hair but none of them are bald, I think.

In the mean time, while us “pioneers” work on finding that middle ground, chew on this:

In America when we’re talking about someone and they show up all of a sudden we say, “Speak of the devil.”  In Saudi Arabia, they say “subhan’Allah” (translated into “God is great”).

In Saudi Arabia, one of the most difficult countries to legally visit, once you obtain a multiple entry visa, if you don’t leave the Kingdom within the first three months of obtaining the visa you are fined by the government!  (hint: Get out!)

Next week: Ramadan ends, Eid Holidays in Bahrain (“Saudi Bar”), and the “30-Million-SAR-for-70-Minutes” Inauguration Event we’ve all been waiting for, to watch, I mean.

Every culture has their own way of saying “I Don’t Know.”  Saudi Arabia is no exception to the rule. 

Some cultures are direct, while others are evasive.  Some people are humble, while others too proud.  Then there are those cultures that have clearly out-thought the rest of us, putting matters directly into the hands of God.  The Saudis will forever be known as the masters of this disguise. 

 In Saudi Arabia, there is one phrase that rids one of any fault or blame; and no it has nothing to do with the weather.  The phrase is “Insha’Allah” or “God Willing.” The word choice is so opportune, so appropriate, that not even I can curse the blasted saying without feeling a bit of remorse in this religious haven.

A few examples of how this might, and probably has been used within earshot over the past three weeks (in chronological order mind you):

 “The housing will be ready before school begins, Insha’Allah”

“The air-conditioning will be fixed immediately, Insha’Allah”

“The busted water pipes will be replaced tomorrow, Insha’Allah”

“The textbooks will arrive no later than next week, Insha’Allah”

…You get the idea.

The phrase reminds me of an excerpt from The Geography of Bliss when author Eric Weiner is in Bhutan and learns of a “closed road;” where in Bhutan a “closed road” could mean waiting anywhere from a few minutes, to a few days, to a few months.

Here at KAUST, where cheap labor is only exceeded in abundance in China, it’s often difficult to be patient with the concept of things not getting done in an orderly fashion  (there are people whose job is to open the door for us); but to be perfectly fair, no projects of this magnitude are even functional by day 1000 no matter where it is in the world.  Not to mention projects made to last a lifetime, like KAUST.  Insha’Allah.

The other day, eating lunch in the cafeteria I noticed an unfamiliar face sitting next to me.  At a table full of Mexicans, I assumed the same of this student until he spoke up only to find out that he was in fact Lebanese.  Since Ramadan began, it’s been a menial task recognizing the non-fasting faces on campus but this one seemed to have fallen through the cracks.

Upon discovering Rami’s Middle Eastern heritage, I was quick to bombard him with questions, since NO Muslims cheat during Ramadan (here in the KSA).  It turns out that Rami is a Druze.  I know… what the heck is a Druze?  Pay attention all party dwellers back in Santa Barbara looking for a religion that supports your ‘healthy habits.’

The Druze religion is an outgrowth of Islam, although Muslims disavow it; and rightfully so. Amongst other things, the Druze don’t fast during Ramadan, they party without fearing death (literally), and believe fully in Reincarnation.  Just don’t screw up or you risk being re-born as a dog.

Another point of interest is that the Druze can only marry another Druze, or risk being completely excommunicated from their family.  In comparison, although a Muslim woman must marry a Muslim man; Muslim men are free to marry a Muslim, Christian, or Jew in accordance with Islam.

The only bummer to those who’ve just found their calling… NO ONE can convert to the Druze religion.  I encourage everyone to scour this website on the Druze for more information, as it’s incredibly interesting: http://www.everyculture.com/multi/Bu-Dr/Druze.html.  Also keep your eyes out, because there’s a good chance I’ll be staying with Rami’s family sometime in the near future while exploring the Beirut Nightlife, without the Druze invincibility of course.

Until next time, a bit of Saudi trivia for you: I was curious why the Saudi flag is green, considering the only green in the Kingdom is in the form of fake grass and money (and more money) so I did some research.  It turns out that Saudi Arabia’s flag uses green to honor the country’s puritanical Muslim Wahabi sect, and also because green is widely believed to be the prophet Muhammad’s favorite color! (PBUH)

It was my favorite color at a young age too…

In the days leading up to Ramadan 1430 A.H.*, many a Muslim student encouraged me to attempt fasting for one day if not the entire holy month.  I thought about it, briefly.

You see, fasting for Ramadan is about more than putting yourself in the shoes of the impoverished; it’s about pleasing Allah and becoming closer to Him.  Yesterday on our commute to campus, I was fortunate enough to be sitting in front of a Syrian friend (who’s never been to Syria by the way) named Khaled.  I consider Khaled to be amongst the student leaders in the religious regard.  He often leads the prayers when the students are away from a mosque and he has read the Quran 1000 times over.  I’ve read my favorite book twice.

On the journey, Khaled explained this act of fasting on a new level.  For starters, fasting for Ramadan includes the following: no food, drink, daytime sex, and breathing (just kidding) while the sun is still shining.  Some of the more extreme Muslims even go so far as avoiding all forms of music.  It was a girl’s birthday on our bus the other day and I had to ask permission for us to sing to her.

As I mentioned above, fasting is done to please Allah and not because Muslims fear punishment from Him.  Fortunately I came across a printed document that went so far as to say that if you weren’t fasting for these reasons, there was no reason for you to be fasting at all.  Thank God!  From that point on, I didn’t feel any remorse for sneaking snacks and liquids in the torturous heat and dedicated myself to the role of “faithful observer of those fasting.”

To be quite honest, observing those who are fasting is almost as hard as doing it yourself.  Every evening as dinner time approaches, handshakes and high fives get weaker and glances at the watch become more and more frequent.  It’s to the point where you’re fully consumed in their energy levels and do everything possible to help them stay focused on the mission at hand.

When the call to break the fast finally comes, the Iftar, or dinner that breaks the fast begins.  Within minutes of this calling I’m surrounded by living humans once again and a sense of relief settles in the air, temporarily.  Last night we had the Iftar with the entire “KAUST Community” including the Saudi Oil Minister.  It was a nice event, save for my shorts and tank top attire, which is probably the equivalent of showing up to dinner in your pajamas… it was a hot day.

We continue to live in the hotel, where I’ve become quite close with the Bangladeshi cleaning my room, but we’re hoping to get to the campus within the next week Insha’Allah!

One more true story; during a Q&A session yesterday, an Egyptian student so convinced by the magic of KAUST asked the assistant provost if she could do something about the unbearable hot and humid temperatures outside.  Why didn’t I think to ask that one?

As the piece of artwork in the Vice-President’s office so truthfully says, “KAUST: Whatever It Costs!”

*A.H. represents the number of years since the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) made his first pilgrimage from Mecca to Medina.